Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Giving PMS the Credit it Deserves

I know a lot of women get all bent out of shape when their husbands blame their irrational (whatevs) behavior on PMS, but I honestly don't. Mostly because I'm never irrational. Ahem. We all know that our hormones get out of whack and that there is very little we can do about it (any male readers out there: I'm not even close to kidding.) Self-control becomes virtually non-existent and it is a total crap-shoot as to what emotion is going to surface in response to a situation. It is the closest to an out-of-body experience one can have without actually having an out-of-body experience.

Ladies, wouldn't you agree that it's kind of...ummm...convenient...to have this built-in (and might I add legitimate) excuse to overreact? Not that you (or I) would ever overreact.

Let's just say your husband asks you to pick him up some new socks the next time you go to Target. And you don't write it on your list because you don't make lists. And then a week later he asks if you remembered to get him socks any of the three times you went to Target. And then you proceed to name the hundreds of other things you did remember to do that week but NO YOU DID NOT REMEMBER TO GET HIM NEW SOCKS WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE A COMPUTER AND MAYBE IF HE DIDN'T WEAR UP ALL HIS SOCKS SO FAST HE WOULDN'T EVEN NEED MORE SOCKS DID HE EVER THINK OF THAT? And then you start crying because you are a failure as a wife and mother because you can't even provide socks for your family and how have any of them managed to deal with your shortcomings for so long? And then your husband is left standing there expressionless wondering WTF just happened and instead of justifying your reaction with a response he picks up his keys and goes to Target to buy socks.

OR when no one can find you because you've shut yourself in the pantry with a spoon and a jar of Nutella and you hear "Mom? Mom? Mom, where are you? Mom?" but you don't answer because CHOCOLATE and finally someone opens the door and sees you standing there in your chocolatey shame and you say nothing but the look on your face says, "GO. AWAY." and they shut the door and obey because of the crazy eyes.

Those are just hypotheticals, obviously, but isn't it nice to have the PMS excuse to fall back on in case something like that were to happen? "Hormonal" has a much nicer ring to it than "psychotic". Ya' know?  As a matter of fact, I kind of wish there was an actual condition that caused PMS symptoms to flare up randomly - even if it's not "that time". I just Googled it and didn't find anything that seemed legit. I thought about looking on WebMD, but whenever I go on that site I end up clicking on a trail of links that leads to me diagnosing myself with a rare and fatal disease that you can only get if you've recently visited Ghana (I haven't). So, I'm just going to assume it's not a thing. Dammit. I think I could really capitalize on that.

Now, I'm not suggesting that it's not okay to get upset when the husband makes a truly bone-headed move and the wife loses her shit and the husband is all, "Is it that time of the month?" in an attempt to avoid taking ownership for his wrongdoing. That is exactly a time when it is acceptable to get upset about being asked that question and catch him between the eyes with the remote control. Or calmly suggest that he shouldn't have said that. Whatever works.

But for all those other times...the times when you go apeshit over crumbs and goo all over the kitchen counter, or dirty dishes left in the sink when you JUST EMPTIED THE DISHWASHER, or no one replacing the toilet paper roll even though there is a full holder right next to the toilet and a trash can 3 feet away, or when you walk around the house to find seven York Peppermint Patty wrappers scattered on various surfaces throughout the house. That's when it would be nice to be able to place blame on your RPMSSD (Random Pre-Menstural Syndrome Symptom Disorder).

I just made that up and hereby declare it a thing. You're welcome.

 Clicking on this banner is in no way irrational. So do it.


  1. I'm on board. RPMSSD it is. It also sounds like something that has to do with your speedometer in the car but that's NOT THE POINT!!! Oh, I think I just had a little bit of RPMSSD...

    I love PMS posts, come over and read my Extreme PMS post sometime. It has Lucy Lawless in it and everything. Made me famous it did. Not really, but the Bearded Iris liked it and let me in her PMS Club and EVERYTHING! It was the coolest 10 minutes of my life. Except for when I found your blog, of course. ;-)


  2. I think I have RPMSSD well it's a nice try anyway, since I lost my uterus to cancer I need something to blame my random emotional outbrusts on .... Well, other than simply being a woman LOL!

    1. I'm so sorry to hear that. I always feel inspired by warrior women stories like yours. And, uterus or not - I think ALL women are entitled to a random emotional outburst from time to time (every day).

  3. Ryan - yes, my sweet 12 year old- asked me just yesterday, "Mom, why are you crying? Is it that time of the month?" So I've got that going for me. I love the sock rant...we're destined to meet one day.

    1. I totally want to meet Ryan. He sounds like a hoot.

  4. I could have used RPMSSD this morning when I freaked out over tipping over a capless water bottle all over my husband's nightstand while making the bed. Water flooded the never ending pile of Breathe Right Strip wrappers that are perpetually littering his nightstand even though I've asked nicely and not so nicely for him to please please please put them in the garbage. The garbage RIGHT THERE.

    Phew. Thanks for listening. Pass the Nutella.

    1. Why don't men understand the purpose of garbage cans? I don't get it. They should make it a high school graduation requirement. That and putting dishes in the dishwasher.

  5. PMS = Putting Up (with) Men's Shit. Mom told me that.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  6. Hahahahaha! I use this all the time to my advantage... even if I am not PMSing and Aaron asks if I am? "Why yes babe, yes I am" :)


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