Friday, March 15, 2013

A Little Privacy Please?!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love to read? No? I LOVE to read. Like ALL CAPS love it. I read a little bit of everything. I read stuff about real people (I think all the smarty pants call it non-fiction), I read love stories, I read stuff about vampires, I read stuff about wizards, I read stuff that's supposed to make me a better person, I read celebrity magazines that in no way shape or form offer to make me a better person, and my most recent obsession...I read blogs. Lots and lots of blogs.

I have some favorites. Blogs I read every day. Some of them obviously found out I was stalking them a big fan because one day Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat gathered those heeeeelarious ladies together and said, "You know that Girl Next Door? The one that drinks and swears? She seems nice and I heard she likes to read, so I think we should put together a book for her." And they did. They're offering it for sale to the general public, but I know the real reason behind their collaboration. Don't ask them about it because it's supposed to be a secret. And their story might vary ever-so-slightly from mine. But you know how writers are. Always making stuff up and denying the truth. So let's just stick with my version, mmkay?

Anyway. What a gesture, amirite? So, I of course read the book and I gotta tell you...it's good stuff. Like real good. Like actual LOL good. And I have a strict policy against using that acronym. Because most of the time it's a big fat lie. I hardly ever really LOL. A more accurate acronym would be SRBSMTS. Smiled Real Big So My Teeth Showed. But that's just stupid. However, this time I did LOL. More than once. It's gotta tell you something that I've used that acronym three times in one single paragraph. Shit.

Wanna know what it's called? Wait. I'll be right back. I Just Want to Pee Alone.

Juuuuust kidding. That's the name of the book - "I Just Want to Pee Alone". Genius right? If you're a mother you can already relate.


This cover. Is awesome.

But, listen up. I don't think this book is exclusively for mothers. I think everyone should read it (save the under 18 crowd and anyone with an aversion to profanity - and if that's the case, what are you doing here?). These gals have foul mouths. Those heathens.

I think women who think they might be mothers one day should read it so they know what's coming. I think men married to mothers should read it so you can learn that your wife isn't the only one who left behind a little of her sanity (and grooming habits) after becoming the mother of your children.  And I, of course, think mothers should read it so they know they are not alone on this crazy ride. And that you aren't the only person in the world who has accidentally eaten baby poop.

Oh, and mothers of teenagers? Buy this book right now and lock your daughter up in her room 'til she's read it cover to cover. Cuz this shit is better birth control than a chastity belt. I ain't lyin'. 

I loved this book because it tells the real side of motherhood. They tell it like it is and they laugh while doing it. Which is awesome. Because, really, if you can't laugh at the ridiculousness that this job presents every. single. day, you've got a loooooong road ahead of you.

These ladies can paint a picture I tell ya'. Remember your first (surprisingly intrusive) ultrasound when your baby was no bigger than a pea? That. The first peek at your post-baby body and all of its parts? That. Reintroducing sex into your marriage after baby? That. Conception, pregnancy, delivery, toddlerhood, teenage years, and then some. I'm telling you. It's all there.









30 comments:

  1. We did write it for you! I told Jen how bad I was feeling for forgetting to get you something really special for St. Patrick's Day last year, so we put this together for this year. I wanted the cover to be green (obviously) but a green toilet didn't look right.

    Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you loved it!

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    1. Thanks for the opportunity! I loved both reading the book and writing the review! You rock, sista.

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  2. Woot! I can't speak for those other ladies, but I totally wrote it for you.

    Thanks for loving it!

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  3. "Buy this book right now and lock your daughter up in her room 'til she's read it cover to cover. Cuz this shit is better birth control than a chastity belt." Bwhahahaha! Thanks for sharing our hook. And by hook I mean book. I'm just a really bad typist!

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  4. Dangit! I would enter this giveaway as I'm a huge fan of free stuff, but I know if I won it would drip of favoritism. But no worries! I already purchased the book. Even though I don't know these ladies personally, I read them, so it's kind of like knowing famous people. ;)

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    1. I absolutely consider myself famous because some of them have responded to my emails. I mean they may or may not have said "Leave me alone." But still.

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  5. All for you, lady! Thanks so much for this awesome review!

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  6. Best birth control in town, huh? Thank you for the kind and funny words about the book!

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    1. All I know is I'm feeling real grateful for the goalie we currently have in place.

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  7. You know how much I've always loved you, right? You know how you've always been one of my favorites, right? Well, even though this review is frickin' AWEsome and you giving away a book is AHmazing, it doesn't make me love you any more, 'cause that wouldn't be possible! ;)
    THANK YOU THANK YOU!! (hugging you and mixing you a cocktail in my mind)

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    1. Shared your teenager quote on the blog today (with credit, of course). Hope that's okay!

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    2. Thank you, Michelle! You are such a sweetheart. Wouldl it freak you out if I show up on your doorstep one day? I mean, not that I'm thinking of doing that...just wondering if it would be a "what a nice surprise" kind of thing or "Imma have to get a restraining order" situation.

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  8. Replies
    1. No, you're awesome!
      Okay, I'm awesome too, but I don't want you to feel slighted.

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  9. Replies
    1. Well, I AM pretty good with nun chucks.
      Thanks for reading!

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  10. Thanks, lover. That's what I'm going to be calling you from now on.

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  11. You rock so hard! Thank you for this excellent review!-The Dose Girls

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    1. Why thank you very much, Dose Girls! I try to rock hard but without all the big hair.

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  12. We are LOL-ing right this very minute!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Yup, we're Doods

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  13. Thank you so much! And you're right, I did write my essay just for you - except for the parts about poop and amniotic fluid. I would never do that to you.

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  14. hah! This is awesome!! My kids are grown, well....almost...but I do have a German Shepard that might as well be my kid, and I swear she thinks I need her permission to pee!!! Looks like a great laugh - will be downloading it on my kindle when I get home!!!

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    1. We have two dogs and I always joke that when the kids aren't home to follow me into the bathroom, they take over the responsibility quite nicely.

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  15. This is a great savings even over wholesale stores like Costco and much cheaper than Walmart, especially with the free Super Saver Shipping. I am a little disappointed that the price has increased a little but it is still a savings. Honest is the only brand of diapers that I use on my son because they fit him the best.
    honest co

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