Wednesday, February 20, 2013

"Downton Abbey" is Going to Make Me a MILF*

*Excuse the crude acronym. I didn't make it up. If you don't know what it means, that's what Google is for.

Based on the title, I'm sure you are at the edge of your seat trying to figure out where I'm going with this and wondering if you, too, can become a MILF from watching a British television series. That or you're wondering if I'm drunk.

Well, I'm not. I'm honest to goodness about to tell you how 'Downton Abbey' is going to turn me into a hottie. So, listen up.

There are many upsides to your children getting older and being good company, but a major downside is that they understand a LOT more of what they see and hear when around adult conversation. And if they don't understand, they ask. Since I'm rarely in the mood to field questions about the uses for Cialis or 'KY Yours and Mine' (those two companies must have one hell of an advertising budget with the frequency they are aired), we play it safe and stay tuned to the Disney Channel most of the time. If it weren't for that smartass mom on 'Good Luck Charlie', I'd lose my mind. (Seriously. Have you watched that show? She's such a bitch! I love her.) Anyway, the problem with this is that I now watch approximately...ZERO...television shows that are not appropriate for children under the age of 13. I've decided this has got to be remedied.

Over the past few months, people have been talking incessantly about the show 'Downton Abbey'. As a matter of fact, I'm convinced I was quite possibly the only woman in the free world that had yet to watch an episode. Until now.

I complain about going to the gym because there are roughly nine-hundred and seventy-six thousand other things that I'd rather do with the time I have to myself without the kids. But, I drag my ass there regularly(ish) because I can't afford a whole new wardrobe. And when all my yoga pants are dirty I gotta wear my fancy clothes with button-waists. 

So, yesterday I went to the gym and climbed up on this elliptical/stairstepper contraption and was not wanting to be there AT ALL when I remembered someone telling me that 'Downton Abbey' was on Netflix. And hot diggity dog, y'all, I've got me an iPhone on which I can watch Netflix right there in the gym.

I did a quick search and located 'Downton Abbey - Episode One'. It showed to be 66 minutes long. Aw hell no I'm not doing this thing for 66 minutes. So I decided I'd do it for half the show (that's 33 minutes for those of you that aren't math whizzes like myself), and then go do some sit-ups or walk around or something to make my time at the gym equal an hour. 

It was a little hard to follow at first, but I stuck with it and it did not disappoint. There were a few unexpected twists, some backstabbing, and an ending that left me wanting for more. And guess what. I stayed on that ding dang machine for the entire 66 minutes. I looked like a real bad ass over there sweating and breathing hard like I'd had every intention of working out for so long. And at the end of the whole thing, the calorie burn on the screen read 699. Six-hunnit and niney-nine calories, yo! I jumped off as soon as the credits started to roll because I'd had just about enough of that ridiculousness, so I missed 700 by like 8 seconds. Whatever...I had to walk down some stairs to get out of the building.

So check it out. There are something like 23 episodes of this show and they are all 45 minutes to an hour in length. I've made a deal with myself that I can ONLY watch if I'm at the gym on some type of cardio machine. (In other words, I'm not allowed to go sit in the locker room and watch it because I was technically "at the gym").  If I burn an average of 600 calories times 23 episodes, that's like...a whole shitload of calories!

Move over, Stacey's Mom. There's a new MILF* in town.

*Used for entertainment purposes only. I do not now, nor will I ever, refer to myself as a MILF.




22 comments:

  1. And Stacey's Mom has got it goin' on! You're already a MILF - you'll just be milfi-ER (roll with it, it's a word).

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    1. Awww thanks! Milfier is definitely a word. Though I don't know that it applies in this case. Remember - you haven't seen me IN PERSON and there's this cool little invention known as "photoshop".

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  2. HOLY SHIT! I need this so bad. I've got a serious case of blogger ass right now.

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  3. We watched it for the first time the other day but only saw half of the finale. So we're probably still lost and confused.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

    Pee Ess - We hit 100!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm finding it can be a little hard to follow. Congrats on your big milestone!

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  4. I really am the only person now that hasn't watched, aren't I??

    Just saw your blog mentioned in another blog I was reading so clicked on the link and ended up reading about 15 posts. Love it!

    But now I have to go pick up my kids from school un-showered. Thanks.

    ;)

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    1. Were you TRYING to make me fall in love with you? Because I just did.

      Sorry about the shower thing...been there, done that.

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  5. Is there nothing Lord Grantham can't do? I mean besides father a son.

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  6. Downton is so good. Don't let yourself watch it if you're not on the machine and it'll be your best workout motivator EVER. Especially when you get to season 3!

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    1. I'm doing really good at not watching it unless I'm on the machine. Which is why I've only watched two episodes so far. *sigh*

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  7. I really want to watch Downton Abbey, because I already am a MILF. I got it on Netflix, but it doesn't come with closed captioning. And I can't understand British television shows without closed captioning. My step father is British. He has to write everything he says on a notebook so I will comprehend. He calls the "garbage" the "bin". I'm so confused. On a side note, I nominated you for an award of sorts. Check out my latest post at www.zannahbrown.blogspot.com. Good day.

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    1. Part of the reason I love it is because of the accents. They're so propuh (propper - I can't spell British talk). Anywho. Thanks for the award. I took notes during the Oscars so I can say something meaningful and dreadfully long so I can be sure to get "jawsed" off stage during my acceptance speech.

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  8. Just so you know you were not alone, I've never watched it. I don't even know the premise of the show!! Pretty much Disney or Nick Jr all the time at my house! And yes, I LOVE me some Amy Duncan!! I think she might be my new role model!!! Ba--BAM!!! :)

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    1. It's basically about some British people worried about who the next heir is going to be in their big giant castle with all their servants and fanciness. Obviously.

      I love that you said "Ba-BAM".

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  9. Hey there, please follow this link to an Award for you!

    -Ellen

    http://badwordmama.blogspot.com/2013/02/am-i-inspiring.html

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  10. OK, I'm going to have to adopt this same strategy. I will be on the treadmill next week (I simply do not have the stamina for that elliptical thing). I was feeling a bit left out never having watched this show that everyone is talking about!

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  11. No, you were not alone. I have not seen it either, but you piqued my interest. Might have to subscribe to Netflix and watch at the gym instead of reading.

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