Wednesday, February 6, 2013

And Then We Hung Our Heads in Shame

You may remember that we have two dogs and one of them is a rescue. If you're new here, we have two dogs and one of them is a rescue. Her name is Autumn. Autumn doesn't like baths. She really doesn't care much for water in general. This makes bathing her a damn nightmare. During the summer months I get out the water hose and bathe her outside. But it's winter and, even though we are in sunny California, it's not warm enough to do that.

I could do it in the bathtub, right? Wrong. Oh-so-wrong. I tried that once. It was on that day I realized that, up until that moment, I had never before witnessed anything that fit the description of "going apeshit". In a matter of minutes my bathroom became a porcelain hell of mud, dog hair, dirty water, and despair. I decided then and there that it was best for both of us that I not try that again.

Last Friday I was sitting on the couch petting Autumn and realized she was past due for a good scrub down. I decided I would not start drinking and instead face the situation head on. I remembered that a local pet store had a do-it-yourself dog wash area right outside of their grooming room. I thought this would be a great compromise between the freezing water the outside hose would deliver, and a hellacious scene that could only result in a total bathroom overhaul.  

When we got to the store I left her in the car while I went inside to find out how the operation worked. It would cost $12 and they would provide me with the bathing area, the shampoo, a towel, an apron for me, and a blow drier. They would also clean up afterwards which, in my opinion, alone was *worth the $12.

I go back to the car and open the back door. The time I spent in the store gave Autumn enough time to realize that something was awry. She dug in her hind feet and I had to drag her out of the car. Then into the store. Then all the way to the back to the bathing area. This was working out swimmingly.

The bathing area consisted of a tub that was sunk into a counter about waist height. There were four steps at the end of the counter so the dogs could walk themselves to the bathtub. I'd like to see that happen sometime. Autumn isn't a huge dog, but she weighs somewhere between 50 and 60 pounds, and I don't often pick up objects that weigh that much. Especially ones that have four legs and no interest in being placed in a hole in a counter top. But I somehow managed to get her off the floor and into the tub.

There was a leash attached to the wall that you could hook to the dog's collar. This is meant to help contain the "apeshit" episodes. I was extremely grateful for this particular feature. I pulled the faucet down and got to work as quickly as I could. She wouldn't stand up so I gave it my best effort with her sitting down. The bathing part went fairly smooth - she only attempted to jump out a couple of times but, thanks to the apeshit hook, was unsuccessful.

Since things had gone much better than anticipated, I decide to give the blow drier a shot. Because I don't know how to leave well-enough alone. I dry her off with the towel as much as I could and pulled the hose of the blow drier over to the tub (don't worry -  no standing water - no danger of electrocution). I hold it over her back and flip the switch to turn it on.

Did I just turn on a blow drier or A FREAKING JUMBO JET?

Why is it so loud? She's gonna freak out! Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!

I fumble over the thing to find the switch and turn it off. I step back over to the tub and...what is that smelllll...ohno ohno ohno ohno.

I look down and find three. giant. turds. inthe. petstore. bathtub. Oh hells bells she done shat in the tub.

I somehow managed to get her out without getting it on her or me, which would have resulting in poop AND puke in the tub. I am frantically looking around to find something to clean it up but find nothing. I manage to flag down an employee to let her know what happened. And what does she do?

[On LOUD speaker] "Can we get a *clean up in the bathing area? Poop in the bathing area."

Guess who is WAS the only person in the bathing area.

If my kids aren't with me to make a scene in public, I can always count on the dogs to get the job done.





13 comments:

  1. HA! Oh you poor thing. I couldn't even get my cats into their carriers for a vet appointment this morning. (Have the scratches to prove it, when one of them did that cartoonish run-in-place-before-actually-going-anywhere thing while in my arms...) And they're like... 8 pounds a piece. Thank you for the morning giggle :)

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    1. I'm glad you got a chuckle! Pets are awesome, but they sure do test my patience. You know, kind of like kids! ;)

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  2. So...was it still worth the $12? (For the record, I bet they're totally used to poop in the tub.)

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    1. The poop in the tub wasn't at my house. Worth every penny of that 12 bucks.

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  3. Of course she pooped, you scared poor Autumn to death! The last time we saw her she was about 30 pounds. What she been eating? We hope you gave her lots of treats for scaring her so badly!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

    Pee Ess - Are we sure it was Autumn and not you??

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    1. I know it scared her, and I'm not sure why it never occurred to me that this could happen. She poops every.single.time we leave the house. She just usually manages to wait until we're outside.

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  4. Oh poor Autumn must be so scared... and poor you also.. lol. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks. :)

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  5. And now it's confirmed...we were separated at birth.

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    1. As I suspicioned. Looks like our parents got some 'splainin to do.

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  6. Crap-in-a-bathtub, that was funny! I love a doggie U wash establishment. It's totally worth the price to be able to walk away from the mess. Will you go back? Will you make sure Autumn drops her deuce before her bath? Will you use the dryer? I have to know!

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    1. The problem is that she is a poop machine. Each and EVERY time we leave the house she's gotta take care of bidness.

      I will DEFINITELY go back, though. Shit in their tub vs. shit in MY tub...no brainer. I'll probably skip the dryer.

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