Friday, February 22, 2013

A New Name for Your Nuts

Was that a clever title or what? I mean with the alliteration and possible double-meaning, how could I go wrong? If you're reading this, that means you clicked on it, and that is what I like to refer to as blog-title success. (Whatever it takes, people.)

There really is a story behind that attention-grabbing intro, and I'm going to share it with you. You're giddy, right?  I knew it.

I went to the deli counter at the grocery store the other day to buy some chicken salad. I go through periods of time where I crave specific foods and eat them repeatedly until the mere sight of them makes me want to puke. Right now that food is chicken salad.  Scoop it up with pita chips, and it is DE-LISH. You should really try it.

Anyway. This particular deli makes two different kinds of chicken salad - one has nuts and one doesn't. I don't like nuts in my chicken salad. I have weird texture issues when it comes to food, and nuts is second only to mushrooms on the gag-o-meter (okay, maybe third because olives are just as bad as mushrooms) if I unexpectedly find a piece where it doesn't belong - like among chicken and celery and mayonnaise.

I told the lady at the deli counter that I'd like some of the chicken salad that didn't have nuts, to which she replied, "You mean ammuns?"

"Come again?"

"Ammuns. You don't like ammuns?"

Cheese and rice. I don't know if I like "ammuns" or not. And I don't really know why we are discussing it. All I know is that I don't want nuts in my chicken salad.

"Ummm, pardon? Ammuns?"

And then a lightbulb went off as I remembered a conversation I had with a mom that I chatted with on the kids' first day of school after moving here. I knew we'd be good friends when she told me this story. And we are.

Friend: "Has anyone asked if you like ammuns yet?"

Me: "No. I don't think so. Huh? What are ammuns?"

Friend: "You do know they grow a lot of nuts around here, right?"

Me: "I hear that about California. Hahaha!"

It's a wonder she still talks to me since I was brave (read: stupid) enough to crack ridiculous and possibly offensive jokes right out of the gate.

Friend: [insert obligatory chuckle] "Well, there are a lot of nut groves around here. When it's harvest time, there is this machine that grabs the trunk of the tree and shakes it, making all the nuts fall to the ground. So, a lot of people around here refer to almonds as "ammuns". You know, because they shake the 'L' out of them."

Get it? They shake the 'L' (hell) out of the almonds during harvest, rendering them amonds (sounds like "ammuns").


And that, my friends, is California humor. As well as your useless vocabulary lesson for the day.

You're welcome.



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12 comments:

  1. This is getting weird. You'll never believe it, but I'm eating chicken salad on a bagel thin RIGHT NOW as I read this. Mine's homemade...and with tiny slivered ammuns, however. But if you ever come for lunch, I promise to make yours without.

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    1. Nuh uh. I love me some bagel thins, too. Lemme get this straight. You write, you crochet, AND you make homemade chicken salad? Imma have to de-friend you immediately.

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    2. Let's not forget my children are pretty much self-sufficient and can totally make their own dinners of Eggo waffles &/or Fruity Pebbles every night if need be. And also, they don't mind wearing dirty clothes. My recipe only has 7 ingredients (shredded chicken, mayo, celery, green onion, lemon juice, pepper, almonds), and since I don't cook anything with more than 8, it works out well for me.

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  2. Extra points for the awesome video link. I actually pictured people picking nuts like fruit. Extra extra points for centering a post on a pun. But one demerit for not eating nuts in your chicken salad, almmuns or otherwise.

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    1. It's crazy, right? Thanks for the bonus points. Hopefully I'm still ahead despite my weird food issues.

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  3. I'm a huge fan of nuts (see what I did there?), but in chicken salad? Um, no.

    When I saw the title of this post I thought, "This is gonna be a good one." I love that you commented on the title in the very first sentence.

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    1. You're a clever one.

      I've stopped just short of paying people to read me. If I gotta get people's attention by making them think I'm about to talk nasty then whatever.

      Delete
  4. Our day is now complete. We are a nut family. If we ever come and visit, please have a few dishes put out for our pleasure. Oh, and some bananas and cheese. Me and Stan like bananas and cheese. Oh, we like yogurt too so we would like some of that too. Oh, and pork roast. So if you could have a pork roast, bananas, nuts, and cheese that would be nice. Oh, and the best thing is horse poop. We like a little horse poop every now and again. So if you could have a little horse poop for us we would like that too. Just tryin' to make your job as hostess easy. Give Oliver and Autumn a pet from us!

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

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    1. Goodness you sure have a long list. For a couple of doods, you two sure are divas.

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  5. Hahahahaha!!!! No "amens" eh?? Put your California pants on... this here is nut country!...wait... that actually sounds like a pick up line maybe...

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    1. I guess I should have clarified that I like ammonds, just stand alone - meaning not mixed up in anything. Blech.

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