Wednesday, February 27, 2013

10 Reasons I'm Proud to be a Texan

If we've been hanging out a while, you've probably picked up on the fact that I'm from Texas. Even if you're new, there's a good chance you've figured it out. Because I mention it as frequently as possible. Because I'm from Texas. And that's what Texans do. We boast about the fact that we're from Texas. As a matter of fact, as I'm typing this, I have a Texas t-shirt on. True story. See there? If I'm not talking about being from Texas, that business is plastered across my boobs.

Texans are a proud people. I am no exception. It is for that reason that I give you...




10. Texas is one of the few states where people use the state and its flag as a central theme for their home decor. Even though we haven't lived there in over 6 years, I currently own throw pillows, coasters, dish towels, water glasses, coffee cups, koozies, framed pictures, and a plethora of Christmas ornaments...all adorned with the Texas flag. Do North Dakotan's decorate with their state flag? I think not. (No offense to anyone from North Dakota. I'm sure it's lovely.)

9. It is entirely appropriate to tell your kid to "go get me a beer", even when other people are around. Especially if you are sitting outside around a fire pit and the beer is in a cooler nearby. As a matter of fact, in that instance, "Get Billy one, too."

8. There are more songs that talk about Texas than any other state. Wikipedia even backs me up on this. I looked it up because I'm nothing if not thorough, and it says that the entire "United States doesn't have as many song mentions as Texas, its people, and its parts. The only possible contenders: Jesus and love." Uh huh. That's what I thought. Case in point...finish this line: "The Stars at night are big and bright ____ __ ____ ____ __ ____." Did you clap at the appropriate juncture? You know you did. I believe we can thank 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure' for the reputation of that one.

7. Texas has some crazy ass weather. It really keeps you on your toes. There have been documented cases where it was 70 degrees on a Tuesday and then snowed on Thursday. Snow is big news in the lone star state. Literally. If there is a flurry in the forecast, you can bet your ass it will be classified as "BREAKING NEWS" on the 10 o'clock broadcast. They will announce school closures before a single flake hits the ground. I'm not lyin'. Texas also has tornadoes. Tornadoes are scary, y'all. There are sirens that go off and cops drive around town telling you to take cover. People take that shit seriously - right after they video the twister in their back yard and put it on YouTube.

6. In Texas you only have to collect a wardrobe appropriate for two seasons: "summer" and "not summer", both of which last approximately 6 months, with an occasional "summer" cameo in the "not summer" months. See #7 above.

5. Despite the absurd weather, there are about 3 weeks of the year that people recklessly label  "Spring". It is truly beautiful because the bluebonnets are in bloom. Bluebonnets are the Texas state flower. Do you know your state flower? Pfffft. I learned that shit in Kindergarten. There's a whole story about it. It's called "The Legend of the Bluebonnet." Google it. ANYWAY, bluebonnets pop up all over fields and alongside interstates around late March and early April, and they are breathtaking. It is a rule that if you have children, you must have their picture taken in the bluebonnets at some point in their young lives. Or if you're me (a real over-achiever), you fly in from out of state and have their picture taken in a field of bluebonnets in front of a barn adorned with a Texas flag. I even impress myself sometimes.



4. Texans know how to properly insult someone. I'm going to teach you how, so listen up. Whenever you want to say something ugly, use a sing-songy voice and either preface or follow up the insult with, "Bless his/her heart." Let's try it, shall we? "That girl is such a bitch. Bless her heeeaaaart." (Drag out the 'heart' real long.) As you can see, it really lightens the blow.

3. Everything is bigger in Texas. No, really. It is. Besides the state itself being positively ginormous, everything it contains is huge. I'm gonna have to use bullet points for this one.
  • Mosquitoes are the state bird (not really, but they could be). 
  • The food is bigger. Have you heard of 'The Texan' restaurant? They serve a 72 oz. steak. That is 4.5 pounds. People, that is a 6 week premature infant. 
  • The trucks are bigger. Attention all other states: SUV's are NOT trucks. They are SUV's. A truck has an open bed, requires a step stool to get into, and shakes the entire neighborhood when the engine starts. 
  • Even our professional football stadiums are bigger. We may not have the winningest team, but we've got the most kick-ass jumbo tron around. And our cheerleaders have their own television show.
2. Speaking of football. High School football, aka "Friday Night Lights." I think that just about covers that one.

1. Because the people I love are there. I met my husband there. My kids were born there. My roots are there. And no matter where I end up, I'll always be a Texan. It's home.


You don't have to be a Texan to vote for me.


33 comments:

  1. We never understood that Texas pride thing. I mean, we've been to Texas. There's a lot of ugly in that landscaping. But we like you and you're from Texas so at least something good came from there!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

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    1. Yeah, there's some not-so-pretty parts. But, there are also some REALLY beautiful parts. You just have to know where to look.

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  2. How cute are your kids!? Loved this post for obvious reason ;)

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    1. Awww, thanks! I think they're pretty cute, myself (though the little guy could have used a haircut).

      Texans gotta stick togetha! ;)

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  3. Yes I did sing it and clap in the appropriate place!! B just did this in her school program and i was so proud!! :)

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    1. Every child in Texas sings this in a school program at some point in their lives! I think it might ought to be a graduation requirement.

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  4. I've always wondered if I could live like a Texan, and with the exception of the mosquitoes and tornadoes, I think I could. I'm gonna work "Bless his/her heart" into my daily conversations. It should go over well up here in the Northeast.

    My kindergartner brought "The Legend of the Bluebonnet" home from the library just last month!

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    1. I'm telling you, "Bless your heart" is magical. I'm sure all of your friends will love it.

      I'm kind of surprised that book was in a library up in your neck of the woods. Of course, we do feel like everyone should be well versed in Texas history, so maybe it's not all that surprising.

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  5. Yip. You nailed us.(Except I don't like Governor Good Hair - but don't tell anyone I said that.) ;)

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    1. Governor Good Hair. Tee hee. That cracks me up every time I hear it. I love how it caught on.

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  6. I gave you an award ... check it out at http://crapnoonetellsyou.blogspot.com/2013/02/parent-bloggerswe-are-cult-and.html

    BTW, Texas does rock.

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    1. I saw that! I read it right after you posted it to FB. Thank you! I think I forgot to comment, though. I need to go back and do that.

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  7. I'm from North Dakota. You are right, we do not decorate with our state flag. My husband is in the military, so we've been stationed in Texas 3 different times, for a total of 8 years. We love it there! My daughter was born there, and considers herself a true Texan.
    But I have to say, the mosquitoes aren't that bad in San Antonio. We spend a couple weeks in the summer in Minnesota, and mosquitoes really are the state bird up there!

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    1. No way. I randomly picked a state. I could have picked ANY one fo them, though, because I'm willing to bed that no one gets as excited about their state flag as a Texan.

      Mosquitoes bigger than the ones in Texas? Note to self: never go to Minnesota. ;)

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    2. ahh... Makes my heart sing with pride for Texas.. I lived in Misery.. oh I mean Missouri for 6 years. my daughters were born there.. but by God I got them back to Texas before any real damage was done! and now they speak with a Texas twang and say ya'll like true Texans. Hell they don't even know what Missouri is! whew!

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    3. Awww! Makes you proud, amirite? My youngest didn't REALLY start talking until we left Texas and he had NO Texas accent. :(

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  8. I just found your blog, and this is HILARIOUS! As a native Minnesotan and current Nebraskan, we don't have that kind of state pride, but I do have Texan friends who would completely agree with everything you wrote here. They talk about it all the time. :)

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    1. Thank you, Kati! Yes, Texas pride is certainly unique.

      Minnesota, eh? I hear you guys have some killer mosquitoes. (see comment above)

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  9. Now we are next door to Texas so it may have just filtered through the state line...but we have some BIG mosquitos and "Bless her heart" isn't so sweet in Lousiana either. But I do love some TEXAS. One of my most favorite peeps is from there and her mom makes the BEST mashed potatoes EVER!

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    1. Yeah - several of those items could apply to the south in general. But, Texas IS kind of like it's own little country.
      One of your favorite people is from Texas? What a coinkidink. One of my favorite people is from Louisiana! ;)

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  10. I LOVE number 9!

    I used to go to visit my best friend in Texas every single summer. I alwyas told her that you could meet friends simply by going into the local HEB to buy beer because people were just so friendly!

    Not to sound spammy or blogstalky, but I received the Inspiring Blogger award recently, and I've admired your blog for awhile, so I'd like to pass it on to you. If you're interested (or if you haven't already done it--or if you want to do it again), the image and guidelines are on my blog. Either way, have a great weekend!

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    1. Blog stalking is really the only kind of stalking that is acceptable, and practically welcomed. Thank you for the award!

      People in Texas ARE friendly - especially in the beer aisle at the HEB!

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  11. Awww, Texas. I spent the better part of my youth there, in Dallas and Houston. I've been away for a while so it was nice to be reminded of the better parts because all I could remember was the traffic, the big hair and the fake boobs. I wasn't born there but I sure soaked up that Texas attitude...it took YEARS to shake it off and finally admit I wasn't "from" Texas. And oh, those bluebonnets ...and Kid Kraddick (of the 90's), Fair Days, driving with the windows down on my way to Cowboys...don't get me started. :)

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    1. Kid Kraddick! He's still there (I think) if you can believe it! Sounds like you've got yourself some good Texas memories! Keep 'em!

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  12. Awesome list, but I believe you mistakenly omitted Blue Bell and Dr. Pepper!

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    1. Shoot!! How could I forget Blue Bell and Dr. Pepper?!?

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  14. Fun fact. I was born in Dallas and lived there (off and on) for about 10 years. My mama was born and raised in Grand Prairie (Go Gophers!). My granddaddy used to let me sip his Budwiser as he sat in his chair in the garage (of course). So yeah, I've got red/white&blue blood myself. And even though I haven't lived there in over 30 years, I still have a definite soft spot for Texas. Hell yeah I do.

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    1. Grand Prairie? No way! That's about 45 minutes from my hometown. If you were born in Texas, and then lived there for any amount of time at all, you are a Texan. Period.

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  15. The way you describe Texas, it makes me think I might love it if I lived there! Also, don't even get me started on Coach Taylor from FNL...I almost cried when that show went off the air.

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  16. Its too hot, low pay, VERY HIGH TAXAS, too many stupid republicans and high gas prices, Stuck in here anyways

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  17. I love Texas!!! Born and still being raised in Dallas!!! I'm so glad I'm not a yankee (no offense but it's so great down here) and haha we take pictures in the bluebonnets on Easter and OH MY GOSH FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!!! I play volleyball and sometimes depending on who we played our Coach wouldn't allow us to go to the football game because it is so hectic

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