Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Knock, Knock...Let me IN!!

Anyone that has spent even a little bit of time around me knows that I don't go around shooting rainbows out of my ass about how wonderful and perfect my life is. If you're new here and think that's what is about to happen (I can see how my name could have misled you), you might want to zip-a-dee-doo-da right along, because that's not what I'm all about and I'd hate for you to be disappointed.

Don't misinterpret this to mean that I go around crying "Woe is me!" and boobing about every little thing that doesn't go my way. Okay, sometimes I boob about little things that don't go my way. But honestly, I think my life is pretty great. I've got a couple of awesome kids, a hard-working husband, a house, some pets that have only ruined a moderately objectionable number of household items, a great family, and lots of cool friends.

Oops. So I shot out a few rainbows just then.


But, you know the kind person I'm talking about, don't you? The rainbow shooters. Everything is always perfect. Their marriage is perfect. Their kids are perfect. Their jobs are perfect. Their house is perfect. Their friends are perfect. You have a conversation with them and leave wondering why the hell your life is such a shitstorm.

It's hard to relate.

I think the general consensus when it comes to relationships is that we want to surround ourselves with people who make us feel better about our lives and ourselves. Not because their lives are worse, but because after you "invite them in" to know the real you, they return the favor. You share with each other the good and the bad. Not only do you get to see the highlight reel, but the deleted scenes as well.

I maintain a pretty open door policy. I imagine a facade of perfection would have to be exhausting to maintain, so this is what you get from me...

My kids. They are awesome. Most of the time. But sometimes they act like little assholes. They fight with each other. They back-talk. They don't listen. They pout. They act like spoiled brats. 4 out of 5 nights I have to tell them 837 times to brush their teeth and go to bed. But I love them more fiercely than I have ever loved anything. And they love me back.

I love Charming. I believe with every fiber of my being that he is my soulmate. I hope we grow to be crotchety old people together. But he can piss me off like no one else on earth. That man can make me utter strings of cuss words that would make a newly-docked sailor blush. We yell and we fight and we give each other the silent treatment. And then we realize we are both being stubborn jackasses and we laugh about it, and say "I'm Sorry" (sometimes through clenched teeth), and move on. 

We've managed to achieve the American dream of home ownership. Our home is cozy and comfortable. But it comes with a hefty mortgage and lots of maintenance. It is always a mess and takes forever to clean. There is always a project that needs to be done and you can bet it is going to cost twice what we thought. Our California property taxes suggest we live on our own private island (we don't). But we are more fortunate than most people in the world and I am grateful to have a roof over my family's head along with the other luxuries underneath it (internet) that we are lucky enough to enjoy.

We are animal people. We have had numerous pets during our marriage and currently have 2 dogs, a fish, and a guinea pig. They all stink (yes, even the fish). They cost money every time I turn around. They do annoying shit like poop in the living room floor (dog) and rattle their cage in the middle of the night so you have no choice but to get up and feed them (guinea pig). But they add a particular joy and uniqueness to our family that make the unpleasantries worth it.

 I've somehow managed to procure a respectable number of friends during my lifetime (shocking, right?!). Some I talk to every day. Some I talk to once a year. Some have drifted. Others remain a constant. I have fought with almost all of them. I don't see any of them nearly as frequently as I'd like. Some have offended me and I them. But they have all played an important part in my personal growth and will hold a place in my heart forever. 

So, that's that. I let you in. That's my real and imperfect life.



Knock, Knock. Who's there? This banner. Click on it, would ya?
 


18 comments:

  1. And that is why I love you, and why I love that you blog! You are REAL- I'm the very same way! Our lives have So many parallels. Except the 4 kids and I'm pretty sure my hubby is the biggest asshole (at times)!
    All kidding aside, I miss you, and I absolutely look forward to reading your blogs! You make my insane life, laughable, because with all the pretenders out there, it seems out of control! Just like my filthy dirty mouth! Lmao!

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    1. Awwww, thank you, Audrey!
      I love that I've know you for like...ever...and I totally remember you as just that - REAL. Wish we lived closer - I'll bet we could have some good times together!

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  2. thank you for letting me in! it's so nice to know other peeps are going through the same (awesome) shit I am...everyday. I laugh every time I read your blog and wish I could hug you. I love that you cuss (and toss a few back too) and have no shame in your game. I do too and I don't either. In fact, i am almost certain that my 8 month old's first word just might be 'shit'. Secretly, I would love it:). Anyway, i look forward to reading your biz-nass and I am thankful you share. Keep on keepin' on, sister!! Cheers to you and yours-

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    1. Thanks!
      {Virtual hugs!}
      So glad you enjoy reading my insanity.

      If you're 8-month-old's first word is "shit", you might be my hero. ;)

      Cheers right back at ya'!

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  3. People who have perfect lives are desperate and likely hurting from the tension it takes to keep that perception. People like us let the curtain slip quite a bit...and that way we don't have to vaccum at 3am or beat our kids with hangers.

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    1. I would NEVER vacuum at 3 a.m.
      Unless I finally lose my mind. Then I might.
      And I REALLY wouldn't beat my kids with hangers. I don't have any of those, anyway...that would imply I had some intention of doing something with our clothes other than leave them in the laundry baskets to dig through.

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  4. I choked on my dr pepper.....my child turned into a litle ahole after the age of 5....they just do...but I would die, lie, cheat or steal for him to be happy and he still melts my heart when he looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me and I'm his best friend....I'm in awwe and then says now make me a Bologna sandwich and a coke...I'm still in awwwe of the whole I love you momma....so I find my self making 2 bc he will ask for another one....lol

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    1. Yep. Even when they're turds, we still love 'em. And make bologna sandwiches.

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  5. True, we have NEVER seen you shoot a rainbow out your ass! And when you and Charming argue it is very entertaining!

    Keep Calm & Bark On,

    Murphy & Stanley

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    1. It would be an interesting sight to see, don't you agree?!?

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  6. I can't decide what kind of person is more annoying, the always happy or the never happy. I'm a generally happy, sometimes pissed, often a tiny bit irritated kind of person.

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    1. I can't really be classified as either. I definitely don't consider myself ALWAYS happy, and I don't think (at least I HOPE not) I come across as never happy. I typically make fun of the bad shit going on in my life. Irritated? Yeah, I'm in that category frequently.

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  7. I hear you! I also have two kids...a girl and a boy, 18 months apart. Love them more than anything. (also love the hubbie) Grateful for our home. Found you on the blog hope and hope to read more soon!

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    1. 18 months apart! You're a busy mom, for sure! Thanks for stopping by!

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  8. Sounds good and kinda like my life. I'm generally happy but I'm happy because I'm laughing at the chaos around here. What does that make me? Confused, I guess. :)

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    1. Laughing at the chaos is the only way to go. Otherwise we'd go nuts.

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  9. Wait? Brother from anotha motha? Err... sister... but that just didn't work as well.

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    1. I know, right?!? I've tried to come up with something clever to use in lieu of the "brother from anotha motha" thing, but I'm just not very creative.

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