I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little heavy-hearted about it. Lately I've been reading a lot of blogs by women who are currently pregnant or have newborns. I'm going to have to stop reading their posts so my uterus will settle the hell down.
I'm content in my decision to stop at two, but in all honesty, it makes me truly sad that I won't experience some of those precious times again. Now wait just a minute. I said some.
One of my first published posts was about all the things that I thought sucked about being pregnant and having a baby. It was fairly extensive, but in no way all-inclusive. Even so (believe it or not) there were some moments that I would give ANYTHING to do over. If only for a day.
I did not have easy pregnancies. Neither was I "the cutest little pregnant person you ever did see". The only part of it I really enjoyed was feeling the baby move. Once I got past how alien-like it was, I loved it. I could usually tell if it was a hand or a foot or a head I could see pushing against my enormous belly. I rented one of those monitors that allowed you to hear the heartbeat. I could sit and listen to that "badump badump badump" for hours. I wish I could have just one more listen.
I was one of the lucky ones that carried my babies to term and they came out pink and screaming and healthy. I got to hold them right away. Charming and I oohed and aahed over the new little life we miraculously brought into this great big world. And we freaked out a just a little that that life was ours to take care of. Each night in the hospital I couldn't wait for the nurse to bring me my new bundle for a middle-of-the night feeding. I really did look forward to it. I spent the wee hours of both of my children's lives studying every inch of their tiny bodies. Listening to their coos. Learning their cries. And falling in love over, and over, and over again. I wish I could have just one more night.
I loved watching my babies sleep. I still do. But, they are now too big to rock and cradle in my arms. I took advantage of as many nap times as I could - not to dust or fold laundry - but to sit and hold them while they slumbered. Many times dozing off along with them, their little heads on my shoulder, breathing their hot sweet baby breath on my neck. I wish I could share just one more nap.
The exciting firsts. The first smiles, the first words, the first steps, the first "momma". I remember them for both of my children. We still have many "firsts" to go, but they seem to get more serious... and a little bit scary as they get older. I wish we could witness just one more sweet first.
Don't go thinking I'm getting nostalgic enough to do this baby thing a third time. Practically nothing would make less sense for our family. It's just sometimes hard to accept that this time in our lives has come and gone. But as will every stage of parenting, it has. And one day we'll look back at the days we are in now (at least I hope so) with happy memories and wish we could have just one more day.
Don't you wanna give me just one more click?