Monday, January 14, 2013

How to Burn A Thousand Calories in a Parking Lot

Our family took up skiing about 6 years ago when we moved from Texas to Utah. Because strapping blades to our feet and careening down a snow-covered mountain in sub-freezing temperatures seemed like a great idea.

I have aversions to cold, speed, and heights. So it makes total sense that I partake in this activity.

The best part of living in the central valley of California is its proximity to many different landscapes. The valley itself is pretty flat with mild temperatures. But we can drive about 70 miles east and find ourselves in a mountainous winter wonderland. So, this past weekend, we set out on our first California skiing adventure.

Let's discuss for a moment not the actual sport of skiing, but what it takes to PREPARE to go skiing. If you are looking for a great workout that doesn't require a gym, go no further.

1. Acquire ski gear. If you don't have your own, no worries. Almost everything can be rented. Items you need include: skis, ski boots, thermal base layers, extra warm socks, ski bib or pants, coat, gloves, neck warmer (no scarves - they are not safe to wear on ski lifts being they are a strangulation hazard and all), warm hat, and ski helmet (safety first!).  You must have the entirety of this list for each member in your family.

2. Put on base layers and ski bibs/pants on before you leave the house. Pile the rest of the above list in your car. You will likely have very little space to sit after you get everything situated. It may take a few tries to get everything and everyone to fit. Choose one item from the above list to leave behind. Make sure it is a crucial item, leaving you no choice but to purchase a new one when you arrive at your destination. I recommend a single glove. 

3. You'll probably need to turn on the air conditioner once everyone is crammed in the car as you are all wearing clothes appropriate for a day in the arctic and, because of all the additional cargo, you are practically sitting on top of each other.

4. Upon arriving at your destination, the first item of business is to put on everyone's ski boots. Make sure you have a couple of young children with you that require assistance. It's a much bigger calorie burn. It also earns you an extra drink at the bar in the lodge later.
  • It will at first appear that there is no way the boot is going to fit. Stomp. Stomp stomp stomp. It will go in. If you are assisting a child, count on taking it off and putting it back on multiple times because a) there WILL be a foreign object in the boot and b) socks have gotten lumped up at the toe in the process. The children's incessant screaming and whining about their discomfort will confirm that this step is not optional.
  • After the children have been "booted", it is your turn. Repeat the above process. This time you get to do it with frozen hands because it is virtually impossible to put on ski boots while wearing gloves. On the bright side, if you pinch your finger in the boot latch you probably won't feel it.  And, fortunately, the rest of your body is sweating by now.
5. If you haven't already, put on the rest of your gear (except your skis - those you get to carry). Everyone grab their skis and start walking toward the lodge. It may take a step or 1000 to get used to the feeling of walking without ankles as the hard plastic foot armor is now holding them stationary.

6. Be sure to miss the shuttle that transports you from the parking lot to the lodge. That would take all the fun out of picking up the single ski and/or ski pole the children alternate dropping all the way there, which you ultimately decide to just carry for them.

7. You've made it to the lodge. The decision to continue on with a day of skiing is now entirely up to you, as at this point you have likely burned off breakfast, as well as your yet-to-be-consumed lunch and dinner. It would be entirely appropriate to ditch the skiing and spend the rest of the day drinking in the lodge.

After all that work, we still powered through a full day of skiing. Go us.



I'll bet you'll burn at least 10 calories if you click on this banner. 


18 comments:

  1. But isn't it worth it all, for how you feel you're going to float away when you take off the boots at the end of the day? Oh and the precious memories and blogger fodder. That crap is priceless.

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    Replies
    1. It's amazing how a shitty situation turns into blog fodder. Glass half full!

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  2. BAhahahaha!! Love this! Aaaannnd now you know why I don't ski.

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    Replies
    1. My husband and I each had a kid to get booted up and by the end we were laughing at what a pain in the ass we had VOLUNTARILY signed ourselves up for!

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  3. And you know that was not as good as the skiing you left behind!

    Keep Calm & Bark On,

    Murphy & Stanley

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    Replies
    1. Definitely not as good as Utah powder, but it wasn't bad! They said that it had been colder than usual so the snow was really dry.

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  4. From the second I read the title I knew I was going to love this post, and you did not disappoint! SO FUNNY!!!!!
    -Amy

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Amy! I'm betting you can relate since you've done the whole skiing thing. What. An. Asswhip. But, we keep goin' back for more! I'm pretty sure that's the definition of insanity.

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  5. This is SO TRUE! Hilarious ~ Thank you for the laughs!

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  6. LOL Oh I am so sorry for your frustrations but must thank you for the giggle. Oh and thanks for reminding me why I'm a Canadian that does not ski!

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  7. Preparing to ski is the worst! Being plowed over by a snowboarder and nearly breaking both your legs is second worst.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not a fan of snowboarders. I have friends who snowboard, and maybe they aren't so reckless. But, MOST of the snowboarders I've seen are inconsiderate asses that are under the impression that they own the mountain.

      And I'm pretty sure nearly breaking both legs is worse than putting on ski boots. Just my opinion.

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  8. This. Is. Awesome.
    And, this must be the reason why I prefer to sit in the lodge by the fireplace and watch, with some yummy food and a drink in hand :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Nicole!

      Yeah - I'm a big fan of drinking in the lodge. But, it makes me feel like a wimp and a loser when the rest of my family is out tearing it up in the snow. Sigh.

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  9. You're brave to do that with family--I've been skiing exactly one time, with my former boyfriend who just yelled "Move your feet like you're rollerblading!" over and over in lieu of actual instructions (it's a real mystery why we're not together anymore). But I'm all in favor of drinking in the lodge!

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