So I dropped the kids off at school, ran a few errands, and returned home to do a quick once-over before I had to pick the kids up again and head to after school activities.
What I returned to was no less than a crime scene. I SWEAR it wasn't like that when I left. I had no choice but to call the authorities. (I didn't call the authorities.) But if I would have, I imagine it would have gone something like this...
Dispatch: What's your emergency?
Me: I need to report a disturbance. Someone obviously broke in my house and made a huge mess. It's horrific.
Dispatch: Is anything missing?
Me: Well, not that I can tell. But I can't be sure. You know, because of all the mess.
Dispatch: I will send an officer to check it out.
Officer: What seems to be the problem, ma'am?
Me: Well, it's pretty awful. How about I just show you?
We walk through the house, starting with the kitchen.
Me: Look at this. The perp obviously went and collected items from various rooms in the house and just left them on the kitchen counter. I think the music stand and nail polish remover are all the evidence you need here.
Me: Now just turn around and look over here. School papers and junk mail EVERYWHERE. Is that a toothbrush? And the giant party pack of artificial flavors and preservatives? No. I would never purchase one of those. Let alone leave evidence of it right here in plain sight for everyone to see.
Me: Shall we go upstairs?
Officer: You mean there's more?
Me: See these sheets and towels? The last time I saw them they were safe and sound inside my dryer. Someone took them out, brought them up here, and just wadded them there at the end of the bed.
Officer: I just don't understand this.
Me: I know, right?!
Me: One last thing. But, you might want to shield your eyes because it's pretty graphic.
Officer: Oh, dear.
We walk into the closet.
Me: Look. At. This. Piles of clothes just laying there on the floor. And not one, but TWO laundry baskets within inches of them.
Officer: I don't know what to say. This was obviously done with malicious intent.
Me: I agree.
Officer: I'll file a report right away.
Me: Great. Hey, can I get a copy of that real quick so I can show my husband when he gets home tonight? I'd hate for him to think all of this is the result of a week's worth of gross negligence on my part. Which, it TOTALLY isn't.
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