Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm Gonna Need More Tape

Charming and I did a little Christmas shopping over the weekend. As we were pushing our way through the overly crowded toy aisles in Target, I noticed something. There is an especially atrocious act of ass-hattery going on among the toy manufacturers. I have reason to believe they are in cahoots with the gift bag industry. Because that act is called: not packaging their shit in either a square or rectangular box.

It is an immoral thing they are doing, really. Putting their toys in packaging that is all but IMPOSSIBLE to gift wrap so we poor and desperate consumers are forced to purchase a five dollar gift bag in which to present said toy to our loved ones.

I found myself getting a little pissed off about the whole thing as we were browsing. I picked up several toys thinking, "Oh! This would be a great gift!". And then I would notice a rounded edge or odd-shaped backing and I would immediately put it back on the shelf exclaiming, "How the hell am I supposed to get wrapping paper around that?! I would need three rolls of tape to piece together all the paper this thing would require. There would be rips and holes and tears and unevenness and IT WOULD BE UGLY. I just won't have it."

You see, the little bit of OCD I have tends to come out at Christmas time. I actually enjoy wrapping presents. I like to purchase several coordinating wrapping papers for the occasion, and then spend a ridiculous amount of time tying the perfect bow to adorn each package. Because I like pretty things.

Also, roughly 80% (I'm guessing because I'm not going to seriously do the math to figure out that percentage) of the gifts I purchase are shipped out of state. Have you tried to ship a gift bag? Even if you put the gift bag in a shipping box, all of the contents fall out in transit and the $5 bag comes out looking like it was run over by a tanker trunk. And who knows? Maybe it was. In any case, I don't like shipping gift bags. I want my gifts to arrive wrapped in festive Christmas paper that I lov-ing-ly took time out of my day to tend to.

Here are some examples. The proof is in the pictures, people.


Exhibit A. What the hell happened to plain rectangular packaging for Barbie? That was a tried and true go-to for any little girl on your shopping list, and with 90 degree angles all over the place that package was a no-fail gift wrapping opportunity. Check out that curvy little number they've perched her in. I heard she turned 50 a few years ago, so I guess they thought they needed to "doctor up" the packaging a little. (Oh no she dih-unt!)
Come on, Mattel.



Exhibit B. This one didn't look so bad at first. Then I picked it up and turned it over and noticed that little car on the side. It's got its own little display window there. And not only does that display window stick out of the rest of the packaging, but it is also ROUNDED. Nope. I'll spend my $14.99 elsewhere. Let's keep moving.
Do you see that? Why? Why would they do this?



And finally, Exhibit C. Who wouldn't like a nice game of Angry Birds Star Wars Jenga(!!!)? Well I don't care if that IS at the top of your wish list. I'm not buying it for you because just look at what they've done here. You look at the box sitting there all rectangular-like on the shelf. Then you pick it up. Gotcha! Check out the backing that sticks up on top and along the side. Rectangle my ass.
I can't even caption this one it is so ridiculous.


Tis the season for Toys R Us gift cards.



14 comments:

  1. Good for you not buying those odd-shaped nightmares.
    This is reason number THREE Santa doesn't wrap presents here in Comfytown.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I ended up with ONE that was impossible to wrap. It was for my nephew and I sent a text to my sister that said, "Can't wrap this crazy-ass package. Please toss it in a bag for me when it arrives." Grrrr.

      Delete
  2. Yes, we think this is just wrong. That is why you need to save big boxes, so you can put the pressie in a big even box.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always forget about saving boxes and put them out for recycling. And then I cuss myself at Christmas time.

      Delete
  3. Amen. There is nothing like selecting the perfect toy, getting home to wrap it, and flying into a fit of rage as it DOESN'T EFFING WORK. Really gets me in the holiday spirit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are so many opportunities out there to put us in the holiday spirit, aren't there? Real Christmas trees falling apart is one that comes to mind. ;)

      Delete
  4. Ha! I just wrapped a bunch over the weekend and oh the hours wasted trying to make some of these insane-shaped packages look festive...yes, bring on the TRU gift cards!
    Meredith
    www.themomoftheyear.net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I only ended up with one that was impossible to wrap. I attempted it, and then decided it was too ridiculous. So, I shipped it - unwrapped - with a note basically saying, "Throw this in a bag, would ya?"

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Since we're BFF's, I'm going to let you get away with calling me an idiot. At least you threw some love my way there at the end.

      Delete
  6. Omg, found you via a link on PIWTPITT...and I'm dying. Thanks for the laugh over something that's been irritating me for years! New follower :-) jenn

    www.girldefyinggravity.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you found me! I love new friends! I was VERY excited to make a tiny appearance over at PIWTPITT. I've been following her for a long time. Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  7. Yes! Wrapping is such a pain in the ass. If it is square it doesn't appear as though a kindergartener wrapped it. I blame it on the drunken elves :) I am loving your blog...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I managed to get through Christmas with only a few of those whack packages. And I had to put them in gift bags because of all the cussing.

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete

What's on your mind?