Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Go Home, Dolly. You're Drunk.

Here's the deal-e-o. I love Christmas music. Always have. It irritates the crapola out of me that some radios stations start blasting it over the airwaves at precisely dark:30 on Halloween, but I ashamedly admit to sometimes having a hard time changing the station. Because CHRISTMAS IS COMING. But I buckle down and change it anyway because I am making a statement and because of poor forgotten Thanksgiving and because I believe in equal rights among holidays.

On the other side of that coin, WHY do they stop playing it altogether at noon on Christmas day? It is CHRISTMAS DAY. Maybe if you hadn't been sitting in your little DJ booth listening to it 24-7 for the past 65 and one half days you'd be a little more tolerant of it on this day of our Savior's birth. You know, the ONE DAY we've been working up to all this time?

ANYWAY...Kim over at The Fordeville Diaries who always (as in ALWAYS) makes me laugh, comprised a short list of her favorite holiday tunes and invited other bloggers to join in. At least I think she invited other bloggers to join in. In any case, I know you've all been pining the days away wondering, "What are her favorite Christmas songs? I simply must know!" Well, wait no more because here they are...

5. Carol of the Bells.
I have loved this song ever since the day I first saw 'Home Alone' a LONG time ago. I saw it when it was in theaters. This song is beautiful and a little bit haunting and it makes me want to run home and booby trap my house. Not really. But it does channel my Christmas spirit.

4. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire).
More specifically, the version sung by the great Nat King Cole. Besides the fact that this song is a classic, it also reminds me of my childhood. I remember playing this CASSETTE TAPE on the JAM BOX (see how I dated myself there?) while helping decorate the Christmas tree. This song also makes me picture a scene with people walking along snow-covered sidewalks with packages and shopping bags, smiling and laughing and just plain giddy over their purchases ("as shoppers rush home with their treasures"). And what a lovely scene that is. Of course, having lived somewhere that it snows, I know that snow-covered sidewalks are a bitch and people are neither laughing OR smiling about that mess. Nevertheless, that's the scene in my head.

3. Baby It's Cold Outside by Dean Martin.
I don't feel like this one requires much of an explanation because ELF and also because it is chocked full of musical awesomeness. What with the his and her back-and-forth duet and the subtle "let's get it on" undertones. If this diddy doesn't make you want to grab your sweetie and run through the seven levels of the candy cane forest, then I don't know what will.

2. Wintersong by Sarah McLachlan.
Because sometimes during the holidays I want to sit in an oversized chair and weep into my coffee (or wine...you know, depending on time of day). I admit it. This song is depressing. But it is also beautiful. Once you get over the fact that Sarah has ruined everyone in America's life with those damn Humane Society commercials, maybe you can learn to love this one too.

1.  Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton.
I'm not sure why I love this song so. Neither do I remember when I first heard it. I am from Texas, so I was kind of destined to like country music. I know there are some Texans out there that don't but I'm not clear on how that could have happened. Anyway, I hope the fact that I adore this song doesn't subconsciously say something about me. Because it is kind of whack. And I cannot for the life of me figure out what hard candy has to do with Christmas. Is there a hidden meaning I don't know about?

 Actual Lines from song:
Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars
Until the dawn

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas.

Earlier in the song she talked about getting drunk on apple wine, so that could explain the confusing turn these lyrics have taken. I think you've had enough, Dolly.  But I got nothin' but love for ya.

26 comments:

  1. Hard candy Christmas was in the movie "best little. Whore house in texas" I love that movie and that song......and she song the I will always love you to Burt at the end....sniff ...I may have to pull out the VHS tape and watch it if I can find the vcr.....now that is datung your self

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    1. I forgot it was in that movie! Maybe there is some correlation between the lyrics and the scene it is played in. I'm ashamed to admit this (you know, being from Texas and all), but I've never seen it. :0

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  2. Hard candy Christmas was in the movie "best little. Whore house in texas" I love that movie and that song......and she song the I will always love you to Burt at the end....sniff ...I may have to pull out the VHS tape and watch it if I can find the vcr.....now that is datung your self

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, we are so glad you did not list the most ever depressing Christmas song ever written that is sung by everybody and played on the radio 87 million times ever hour: "I'll Be Home For Christmas". Whew, we were scared . . .

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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    1. Yeah, I don't really like that one very much. It is definitely overplayed.

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  4. You crack me up! I laughed out loud at the booby trapping the house part. And Baby It's Cold Outside is probably my very favorite. I don't know that I've ever heard the Dolly Parton one...Not a huge fan of Country.

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    1. You should try to find it and give it a listen. If for no other reason than to try to decode the insane lyrics.

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  5. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. How have I gone through life not knowing about Hard Candy Christmas? I feel deprived.

    Thanks for joining the confessioal -- great picks!

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    1. I'm not sure how you've never heard it. I feel kind of sorry for you now. I hope since you now know about it, you will go find it and have a listen so you can see (hear) what you've been missing.

      Thanks for reading!

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  6. I LOVE ALL THESE SONGS ...I also never type in caps, so you know I'm telling the truth. I thought I was the only one who loved Hard Candy Christmas. I shall now, proudly, sing it from the rooftops.

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    1. You never type in all caps? I type in all caps ALL THE TIME. Maybe because I am not creative enough to get my POINT across any other way. I find it to be a VERY EFFECTIVE way to express my level of EMOTION regarding a subject. YOU KNOW?

      I think you absolutely should sing that song from the rooftops. I imagine you have a lovely voice.

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  7. LOVE 5,4, and 3. I think they may be my 1,2,3

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    1. Have you heard Carol of the Bells by "The Bird and the Bee"? I love that version.

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  8. All right- HOLD UP! Why have I never heard of this Sarah MacLachlan winter song? I LOVE crying into a warm beverage curled up on the couch. Must go track it down now. Sounds like a Joni Mitchell "River" kind of experience...

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    1. If you want a good cry, just go ahead and listen to the entire Sarah McLachlan Christmas album. Will make for a very salty cup of coffee.

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  9. Saddest Christmas song ever is The Cat Carol by Meryn Cadell. Tears. Every year.

    You probably already know this, but this post is featured on Blogging While Mom. Yay!

    -Amy

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    1. Oh dear. I haven't heard that one. Must go listen. I love a good Christmas cry.

      I didn't know that until I saw your comment. I'm on the West Coast, so I'm always 3 hours late to the party. Thanks for letting me know!

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  10. New follower... I found you at Finding the Funny, and I'm glad I did. You use words like Deal-e-o and crapola, which makes us kindred spirits ;)

    My favorite is Christmas Song is Jingle Bell Rock, because of the line "Giddy-Up Jingle Horse, Pick-up Your Feet", to which I always put my hands on invisible reins and gallop around. In the car, at the store, in court... doesn't matter. Love that ;)

    I'll be back :)

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    1. Yay! I love new friends! I use words like that quite often - even in real life. I especially like deal-e-o.

      I love that you dance in public! I find to be a very effective way to embarrass my children.

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  11. I just found your blog on You Know it Happens at Your House, Too. I love this list, though now I feel the great need to curl up with that Sara album, as I only know one song from it.
    Hard Candy Christmas is another one that makes me cry every time, not sure why it is. I think I generally have a hard time getting thru any of Dolly's songs without tearing up.
    Have a Happy Christmas! y

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    1. Thanks for reading!

      I think lots of Christmas songs are tear-worthy. Weird considering it's supposed to be "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"!

      Merry Christmas to you, as well!

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  12. Hard Candy Christmas always makes me smile. My 12 year old's opinion? "Doesn't she know you don't need to rhyme EVERY line? Wait, wasn't she Hannah Montana's grandma?" Ellen

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    1. My 11-year old doesn't appreciate Hard Candy Christmas, either. Such a shame. And I forgot about her being Hannah Montana's grandmother! Ha!

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  15. BTW, "Hard Candy Christmas" is a depression era (and earlier) phrase referring to those years that are so lean that all a family can afford is a penny package of hard candy for the kids for Christmas. My grandmother used to always keep a decorative tin of hard candy on the coffee table at Christmas, I suspect in homage to those days. I'm happy to have inherited the tin. :) This song always reminds me of her for that reason.

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