Monday, October 15, 2012

I'm Not Very Pinteresting

I am too indecisive to appropriately utilize Pinterest.

Not that I haven't wasted hours of my life there, but I am a Pinterest flunkie. I debate with myself for an unreasonable amount of time over whether or not I think something is "pin-worthy". I literally sit with the little pointer finger cursor thingy hovering over the "repin" button, practically breaking a sweat. I therefore have little to show for my "work".

Will I actually buy this, bake this, wear this, paint this, cook this, do this exercise, make this craft...aaaaaah!!! It's too much! Clicking on the Pinterest 'Everything' tab is just short of enough to cause me to seizure.

I will occasionally get an email saying someone has started following my pins on Pinterest. How. Embarrassing. What a disappointment that must be.

"I know her. Her house isn't a TOTAL disaster. She sometimes looks semi-put together. What the hell. I'll follow her." Then they see my "pins".

WTF. This is a trainwreck.

If you are not familiar with Pinterest, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. And you might want to try spending a little more time on the internet along with the rest of us. Come on. Get your shit together. Anyway, I'll try to break it down as simply as I can.

Boards are categories. Like "Meal Ideas" or "Christmas Decor". You "pin" things from the internet to these boards. Like a recipe for never-fail smorgasbord casserole would go under "Meal Ideas" and a website offering 101 Ways to Decorate with Cinnamon Sticks would go under "Christmas Decor". Good enough explanation. 

Back to why I suck at it. I have been on Pinterest for 6 months. SIX. I have 45 pins. Not 45 boards. 45 pins. And most of those I did the first week I joined because we were in the process of moving and I needed color scheme ideas for the kids' rooms. (None of which I used by the way.)

To put this into sister has 22 boards and 2,400 pins. TWO THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED. And I must say, she's got some pretty interesting shit on there. But, if I look at her boards too long the room starts to spin. Even my mom - who by default should be worse at this than me (generationally speaking) - has 459 pins.

Here's what Pinterest says you can do with their website:

Redecorate your home!
-Right. I'll get on that as soon as I go collect today's bounty from our money tree in the back yard. I think it needs water. And fertilizer. And to exist.

Plan a wedding!
-This one might have come in handy 16 years ago when I was planning a wedding. No, I'm actually kind of glad it wasn't around then. After all, I wouldn't have been able to make any solid decisions. We could have ended up with a western ceremony, Asian-inspired reception, peacock feathers on the wedding cake, and pinecone and holly centerpieces. Our shit would have been a mess.

Find your style!
-If I pieced together items of clothing that actually qualified as an "outfit" more frequently than one day a week, this might come in handy. Even so, I don't think I could pull off a majority of the clothing I've seen on there. I'm shorter than 5'8" and I weigh more than 110 pounds, so 4 layers of shirts with leggings and heels don't really work on me. My boobs are too big to carry a messenger bag. And most importantly, I'm cheap. 

Save your recipes!
-I live with the 3 pickiest eaters on the planet. The list of things they will not eat is extensive and annoying. It is a miracle I manage to come up with anything to feed these people. If it is gets more exotic than a pile of meat and something with cheese in it, all bets are OFF.

I  think I'm going to rename my boards.
  • Don't bother cooking any of this. You know they won't eat it and then you'll be pissed.
  • Can't be found on the clearance rack at TJ Maxx.
  • Who are you kidding? You hate crafting.
  • Furniture, houses, vacation, and other ridiculous shit to purchase the minute you win the lottery.
  • Exercises/pictures of obscenely fit people - could be useful to hang on the dart board. 
  • Things that are [inappropriately] funny. OR E-cards the use the 'F' word. You pick.


  1. Do I really have 2400 pins?! That's impressive! You should see how many Amber has. She probably has at least 5000.

    1. You actually have 2,424 pins. I rounded down.

  2. You have 45 pins? That is a lot! I think mom has something like 3 or 4. Now she really flunks out in Pinterest!

    Your friends,

    Murphy & Stanley

    Pee Ess - Be sure to check our blog for our spookified pictures. Maybe you can pin them!

  3. I pinned a couple more this evening. You know dear, when you repin something you are not making a lifetime commitment ! Go ahead and pin recklessly.

  4. This is f-ing hilarious! Do you ever see a pin and then get pissed off at who ever created it? What dumbass was sitting around with a glue gun or a crock pot and came up with this mess? Trying to make me feel guilty that I haven't come up with my own mason jar craft? You mean you have found even more shit to spray with chalkboard paint?!?!

    Your a refreshing view point. Keep it real!

    1. Exactly! Yes to all of the above!
      Thanks for stopping by!

  5. Okay fancy pants linking this post to your one from today. I think this one is my favorite of yours!

  6. Are you at least pinning your blog posts? My all time most popular post gets ALL of it's traffic from Pinterest.

    Also, rename your boards to the names listed above immediately. Pinterest needs more sarcasm!!


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