Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Tube

I don't watch much daytime television, but since school has started, I will admit to tuning in to some of the morning talk shows. It's usually the 'Today' show, and if I haven't turned it off yet, it is followed by 'Live! With Kelly and Michael' (formerly Regis and Kelly). While I don't closely watch from beginning to end (cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry are usually what I do this time of day - impressive, right? I multi-task like a boss), I always manage to catch the part where they do a giveaway. You know, when they call someone at home who's sent in their name and if they can correctly answer a question about the previous day's show, they win a fabulous, ridiculously overpriced vacation. I really need to remember to send in my info.

Anywho...the segment in which they do these giveaways is always themed. Like, in the winter fake snow will fall from the ceiling, or at Halloween they'll play creepy background music. They seem to almost always have an audience member dress up in some sort of costume and dance over on the side of the stage. (I really do SWEAR that I don't watch this show all the time). Well, the current theme is Summer, and they have convinced people from the audience to don swimwear for this segment. I don't know if men are ever chosen (like I said, I don't watch EVERY day), but I've only ever seen women.

I have no idea what kind of incentive they are offering these ladies, but I can tell you whatever it is...it's not enough. Maybe they are really comfortable in their own skin, or perhaps they are hoping this will be their chance to be "discovered". But, these swimsuits are not the modest type. No tankinis or board shorts here. We're talking string bikinis. Four triangles leaving little to the imagination.

I can't help but think...you must have really stellar grooming habits that would enable you to wear something like that on a moment's notice! Was it coincidence? Or were you thinking, "You know, I'm going to the Live! show tomorrow. And let's face it - I'm smokin'. I better be ready just in case they ask me to put on a bikini and drop it like it's hot for the audience. After all, I'm the obvious choice."

Because, I'll tell you, the chicks I've seen are pleased as punch to be up there dancing their little hearts out for ALL OF AMERICA to see. They don't seem to be a bit self-conscious or embarrassed. They really shake it. I don't think I'd be able to perform anything more exciting than the white-man shuffle, with my head down, trying my best to inch off stage.

Kudos to these women for their self-confidence. But, after a couple of kids and a few cheeseburgers they could offer me Kelly's salary and I'd still turn down that gig.

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