Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Cock-a-Doodle Don't

We live in the central valley of California. There's a lot of farm land. And I mean a LOT. There are  either corn fields, nut orchards, fruit orchards, or vineyards within a mile north, east, and south of our house. There are even some dairy farms on the outskirts of town. We live on the edge of town, but not "in the country" per se.  We live in a neighborhood. You know, with curbs and gutters, and sidewalks, landscaping and greenbelts that are maintained by the city.

It seems that the new fad for city folk is to own chickens so they can harvest their own fresh eggs. Seems like a lot of unnecessary dirty, smelly work to me. I'd personally rather hop on down to my local grocer and pay the $2 that will get me a dozen eggs that did NOT require me to root around in a nasty cage of bird shiz. Just my personal preference.

It is not, however, the preference of our neighbors. And although it is against city ordinance, they have also decided to acquire a rooster. I hate that little asshole. Not only does he do his "roostering" (I know it's really called crowing, but I like "roostering" better) at dawn, but also around noon, and again around three o'clock. Last night he added a 5 o'clock rotation to his busy roostering schedule. When he starts doing that bullshit at 9:30 p.m. after the kids are asleep, it's gonna get real ugly.

I hate the rooster, but it's really misplaced anger. I can't blame him for his behavior. It's what roosters do. Like cats meow and dogs bark. I do, however, question the logic/intelligence/give-a-shit quotient of our neighbors. I mean, what was possibly going through their heads when making this decision? Here's what I imagine...

"You know, I LOVE to get up before the sun rises. Or maybe just as it is rising. I'll bet that would be great. What could I do to make that happen for me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? Even on Saturdays and Sundays. An alarm clock? That's stupid. I know! I'll get a rooster! It'll wake me up with it's crowing...I mean can you even imagine a more beautiful sound first thing in the morning?! And he'll wake ALL of our neighbors, too. They'll love it. And they'll love me. I just know it."

Charming won't let me call the city on them because he doesn't want us to be THOSE neighbors. I'm obliging...for now...but I have a feeling these niceties aren't going to last long. I like freaking love to sleep. I am the type of person that wants to slap somebody for waking me up 5 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. Do you know how pissed I am when I am awoken TWO HOURS prematurely by Foghorn Leghorn next door? Jackasses.

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